I'M BACK

Before I get started on my first blog entry in a year, I would like to sincerely apologize for my absence.  And if my blog has made a difference in just one person’s life, I am truly sorry for leaving you hanging and wanting more.  There are so many thoughts swimming in my head right now, that I don’t know where to start…..However, I will start by saying this “BABY, I’M BACK!!!!”……

A lot of things have happened since my last entry.  I was at a crossroad in my life.  In front of me were three different paths.  One path was for my state of mind.  The middle path was for my marriage.  And the final path was for my impending unemployment (due to a layoff).  Where each path was leading to, I didn’t want to know.  All I knew was things did not look good at all.  And it—Scared. The. Hell. Out. Of. Me…..

Each day felt like I was fighting a losing battle.  And as each day passed by, a piece of my peace of mind was lost.  So, what did I do you ask??? I did what I do best in situations like that—I SHUT DOWN.  Instead of communicating my fears to my spouse, I shut him out.  We were already shutting down the lines of communication between us. So, I thought “why even bother?”—especially when I had already voiced my concerns to him way before sh*t hit the fan.  And at the time when I lost my job, he proved to me that when I needed him the most, he wasn’t there.  There was no “ride or die.”  There was nothing......Let me paint a mental picture for you:  It’s the last game/final quarter in the championship basketball game.  Five seconds remain on the clock, and all the home team needs to win is two points.  The MVP from last season has the ball.  He makes it up court, and as he is about to do a right hand layup to win the game, he decided to  “show boat” for the fans.  And the clock winds down---5-4-3-2-1…BUZZZZZZZZ…OOPS!!!! HE. DROPPED. THE. FREAKING. BALL….and the crowd goes wild booing and throwing things on the court.  And scene…..Yep, that basically sums up what happened and how I felt.  And what’s so sad in it all, he just went on his merry little way like it was nothing……

So here I am today.  I’m still feeling squirrelly.  My marriage is still going to “hell in a hand basket” or whatever that means (I just like saying it).  On the plus side, I found a job that I truly like (even though the Dragon Lady has come in trying to take over—but that’s a different story).  I have met some crazy squirrels that I have made a kinship with, and for that it’s worth getting up at the butt crack of dawn. 

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I am not going to run and hide from it.  And even though things are still a little shaky right now, I will not toss in the towel and give up on –ME.  You see, through all of this, Niesey has lost sight of herself.  And I am looking forward to finding her again.  And writing this entry is one little step in the right direction…..Now if only my skin will stop acting like I am 15 and remember that I am 39….I’m too old for breakouts..Sheesh….but I digress….

 Just Saying,

Niesey