It's Been A Long Time Coming--But I Know A Change Is Gonna Come

It’s been a long time

I shouldn’t have left you

Without a dope blog entry to respond to (respond to)…..(fade out)

Okay, so I kind of borrowed that from the intro of Aaliyah’s song “Try Again.”  BUT I had to get your attention somehow…..

I know it’s been awhile since my last blog entry, but let me assure you it is not my last.  LIFE happens, and it gave me a hell of a right hook to the jaw that knocked me smooth off of my feet---TEMPORARILY.

I’m slowly (but surely) regaining my composure and getting back to—ME.

So please be patient with me and continue this journey with me.  I promise that I will not leave you “stranded” for too much longer….

STAY TUNED…..

Just Saying,

Niesey

Ode to Womanhood

This is for all the mothers, aunts, cousins, sisters, sister girlfriends, nieces, and grandmothers out there.  Know that you are appreciated for all your hard work and dedication.  And I wish each one of you a very “HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY.”  Be blessed, and keep on pushing on!!!

James Brown said it best—“this is a man’s man’s world, but it would be nothing without a woman or a girl.”  True, man has done a lot--created a lot, but who do you think was the back bone? You got it, WOMAN….

This might be a man’s world, but women make the world go round. Women play so many roles in life that we automatically should get a Doctorate’s degree in Lifeology. Yes, I said that.  You see, man can’t handle the things a woman can.  His shoulders are not strong enough to carry the weight of the world like a woman can.  God knew what He was doing when He created woman.  He knew Adam couldn’t handle things on his own.  He needed help.  He needed the love and comfort of a woman…And nothing can beat a woman’s love….

Some might like to think we are the weaker sex.  Really??? To those people, I have two words to say “giving birth.”  If giving birth doesn’t show how strong a woman is, then I don’t know what else will convince the naysayers of how strong women are.  I know a man couldn’t handle the whole “birthing” process.  Heck, they can’t even make it through one push in the delivery room with their wives or girlfriends.  So, weak---I think not!!! Throughout history, we were WARRIORS.  We were QUEENS.  We ruled over nations.  And it’s time we WOMEN recognize the legacy we come from.  

We are not “weak”.  We are not “welcome mats” for others to wipe their feet on.  WE ARE WOMAN!!! HEAR US ROAR!!!

My Queens---My Rocks

And I write this to celebrate our womanhood.  I write this to let YOU know that you are appreciated. I write this cause man better recognize the contributions we have made to this world and will continue to make to it.  I write this in honor of my QUEENS-my Mother and Grandmother. They showed me strength that no super hero possesses.  They showed me that you don’t have to have fancy costumes, special powers, or tricked out toys to be a super hero.  BUT, by being there for their family and by simply being themselves-- they truly are “SUPER WOMEN.”  

Now, can I get a witness??? A MAN, perhaps?

Just Saying,

Niesey

Beware of Angel(s)

I fell for an Angel once.  It turned out to be one of my biggest mistakes I made in my life (thus far).  I met him in Dallas while visiting a friend of a friend's.  I had just ended a two year "relationship" earlier that summer (of '96), and I sure wasn't looking for or wanting a boyfriend.  BUT I guess Fate had a different plan for me.

We seemed to have this kind of connection you only read in romance novels.  We talked all night like we knew each other all our lives.  And before I knew it, BAM--we were in a relationship by the fall of '96.  We ended up moving in together.  What I thought was my fairytale, soon turned into a nightmare.

To make a long story short, for eight months I was terrorized.  It started with mental and emotional abuse.  But it soon turned physical.  I would go to my classes just drained of everything I had in me.  I was trying to hide bruises on my arms where he dug his fingers into my skin.  I became withdrawn from my friends.  Sleep became my sanctuary, because for some strange reason, he did not mess with me when I was sleep.  If I did venture out of the house, he followed me.  So that stopped.  I felt trapped.  I was his prisoner.  I was walking on eggshells in my own house.  The one time I tried to leave, he pushed me so hard into the closet door that it broke.  The message was clear--there was no escape.  How could this person with a heavenly name turn into a devil in disguise????

There were times when I thought I was going to die by his hands.  And there were times that I wished for Death to come for me--to take me away from his hell.  I was desperate to the point where I took some pills just to try to make the pain go away.  Once he saw what I had done, he made me throw them up.  And after I did, he nursed me back to health.  How ironic is that???  I can sit here and tell you everything he did to me, but that's not why I chose to tell this story.  My point in all of this is to reach anyone out there in an abusive relationship.  Trust me, IT DOESN'T GET BETTER.  It only GETS WORSE.  You say he "loves" you, but do you want him to love you to death???

And to all the people saying "just leave," it really isn't that simple.  You see, I was one of the skeptics.  One of the people who said "it would never happen to me," but I got a reality check quick, fast, and in a hurry....The abuse became my shame--my cross to bear.  I didn't come right out and tell my friends because of the shame.  I mean, to my friends, I was a strong woman who knew better.  And to admit I lost control of myself--of what was happening in my house---well, I just couldn't bring myself to say anything.  I felt like I got myself into that mess, and I was the only one who could get myself out of it.  So I tried to put up this facade, but everyone knew what was happening.  They weren't blind, nor where they stupid.

What happened to make me leave?  One night, we got into a real bad fight.  I can't even remember over what.  It got real ugly, and I said to myself "I can't do this anymore."  I don't know what made him stop.  I'm just glad he did.  It was summer break, and I didn't go back home right away.  I had to heal.  I didn't want my family to see my bruises.  And when I did go home, I felt a peace come over me.  I drew from the strength of my family, and when it was time for me to go back, I WAS RENEWED.  I came back in survivor mode.  It was going to be him or me, and I be damned if it was going to be me.  I think he saw this renewed strength I had because he just left on his own.  I RECLAIMED ME and MY HOUSE...I guess he couldn't deal with that (who knows).

Even though this happened almost sixteen years ago, sometimes it feels like it just happened yesterday.  I had nightmares for a long time after that.  And for the longest, I blamed myself.  But I came to finally realize that IT WAS NOT MY FAULT.  Whatever issues he had, were NOT MY FAULT.  I didn't deserve what he did to me, and I wouldn't wish that part of my life on anyone (not even my enemy).  NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED!!!!

I hope this blog reaches out to someone.  I hope that person can draw strength from it.  I hope that person reaches out to friends or family, and get out before it's too late.  It is not your burden to carry alone...So please, if you know someone or if it's happening to you---REACH OUT!!! 

THIS KIND OF "LOVE" CAN DO SO MUCH DAMAGE TO A PERSON'S MIND.  The body heals, but the emotional and mental scars take a little bit more time to go away....

ABUSE CAN KILL...Please---don't end up being a statistic.

Just Saying,
Niesey

Go 'Head, It's My Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MEEEE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

As you may have guessed, today is my birthday.  And please no April’s Fool jokes.  Okay, maybe just one so you can get it out of your system…..

So far, I have been blessed with thirty-eight years on this earth.  I’ve had good years, bad years, and some “in between years.”  But that is a part of growing up and getting wiser as each year passes by.  Although I haven’t made the best decisions throughout my life, I would like to think that I grew from those decisions.  And I’ve learned from those decisions.

I won’t sit here and lie to you and say that I am totally satisfied with my life thus far.  Who is?  There’s something we all would like to change in our lives.  Some of us feel stuck or simply just defeated.  Some of us want to throw in the towel and give up because we see no point in it all.  I know I’ve felt this way, and sometimes, I do want to give up.  BUT something in me keeps PUSHING along.  Something in me believes that I can do this, and I will do this.  I WILL PERSEVERE!  I’m hanging on to Hope, and I’m taking those steps to get to where I want to be.  And the only person who can stop me from reaching my goals is—Me.

 

I can be my worst enemy.  I’m my own critic.  But you know, I have to tell myself to “shut-up and chill” from time to time.  There’s nothing wrong in checking yourself.  Personally, I think people should “check” themselves more often.  Maybe, this place would be better if we all took time out to put ourselves in a “time out.” 

So I’m raising my glass to thirty-eight more years.  I’m looking forward to them.  I’m raising my glass to my family, my friends, and to the haters.  Because without them, I wouldn’t be ME…..

Just Saying,

Niesey

Sunday Dinner at Grandma's: A Feel Good Story

My family doesn’t have too many traditions.  I mean, sure, we celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter.  We even did the black eyed peas at midnight for New Year’s.  But we didn’t have our “own” traditions that were just ours alone.  Thank God for Sundays.

Every Sunday, my Mom, Grandma, or even my uncle would cook up a meal so good you would want to slap them.  I couldn’t wait to get out of church just so I could get my “eat on”.  And it wasn’t just me waiting for the last amens to be said.  My aunts would join in on Sunday’s dinner also.  Sometimes, friends, grandchildren, cousins, and uncles would drop by to fix them a plate.  Other times, it was just my immediate family gathered around the kitchen table enjoying one another’s company.

You see, Sunday’s dinner was not just about the food.  It was about the coming together of a family.  It was about camaraderie. We laughed together, gossiped together, and overate together.  A lot of bonding went on at the dinner table.

Although, we have all gotten older and some of us have moved on, Sunday dinner is still an important part in my life.  Sometimes, I just sit back and listen to my aunt and grandma go back and forth.  Sometimes, it’s me getting “sassy” with my grandma.  But it is all in good fun.  And at the end of the day, we all walk away from the table full of food, full of love, and full of respect for each other.  Thank God for Sundays!!!!

Just Saying,

Niesey

A Woman's Worth Part II

I previously posted a note on Facebook entitled “A Woman’s Worth” almost a year ago.  And although I spoke about it once, I thought it would be a good idea to reiterate and elaborate on what was already said.  Why? Because so many of us women DO NOT know our worth.

When we come into this world, it is our parents’ duty to mold us and to teach us.  We learn from their actions, from their mistakes.  Notice I said “parents” meaning a mother and a father.  And all those single mothers out there saying that their kids don’t need a father, let me say this to you—YOU ARE SO WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS IT AIN’T EVEN FUNNY.  A child needs their father.  A boy needs his father to nurture him and to teach him how to be a man.  A girl needs her father to nurture her and to set the example of what a good man is. 

When that bond between father and daughter is not a good one-when that foundation is faulty, it can have a negative impact on her.    She’ll grow up trying to fill that void in her heart.  Looking for love in all the wrong places because her father wasn’t there for her.  And no, being in the same house as him doesn’t necessarily mean he’s there for her.  He’s just in the house with her.  If he isn’t taking the time and effort to know his daughter or to spend time with her, then he isn’t supporting her emotionally or mentally.  And if he’s just absent from his daughter’s life, baby girl is going to find the love somewhere whether it’s healthy or not.  She’ll try to hold on to relationships that need to be let go just to feel wanted and needed, and all because she doesn’t know her worth.

Fathers, you are the first man that enters your daughters’ lives.  You are the first man she falls in love with.  Do you really want to ruin that for her?  Do you really want to be the first man to break her heart?

I know some of you are shaking your heads right now, but that’s okay.  We are adults and we can agree to disagree.  But throughout my life, I have encountered so many women who didn’t have a strong foundation built by their fathers.  They didn’t have the support they needed from them, and they were constantly hanging on to dead beat boyfriends or husbands because they thought that was all they deserved.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting down the single mothers out there.  My heart goes out to you because you have the toughest job in the world.  But it shouldn’t be just your job alone.  You can only do so much for your child, and all the love and support you give to your child may not be enough especially for your daughter.  I say this because this blog is a very personal one for me.  This blog is about me.  And I was that girl looking for love when there was no love to be found.  I gave myself to men that weren’t worth a penny.  I let them take from me—my body, my mind.  I was trying to find some type of validation from them.  I was trying to fill that void that my dad left when he walked away.  And my mother did all she could to fill that void for me, but it just wasn’t the same.  I felt empty.

It took me a long time to realize that I’m worth something more than just a one night stand.  And with my birthday just around the corner, I still struggle with my self worth.  I take it day by day.  But I know I’m definitely not the person I was ten years ago (or even just a year ago).  I’m still growing.  I’m still learning.  And I’m finally rediscovering myself…..MY WORTH….

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/sy-18502765/john_mayer_daughters_official_music_video/ 

Just Saying,

Niesey

Sharper Than a Two-Edged Sword

 DING! DING!
     In this corner, we have one of  the most  controversial conservatives in America-- Rush Limbaugh.  And in this corner we have all shapes, sizes, nationalities, and ethnicities also known as --the World.  Let the name game begin!!!!

By now, everyone has read about the harsh words Rush Limbaugh had to say to Sandra Fluke, a law student at Georgetown University.  And if you have not, now is the time to go do some research before you continue to read what I'm about to say....

Throughout my life, I have been called much worse than what Mr. Limbaugh called Ms. Fluke.  And it's most likely, in the near future, someone will get mad at me and call me everything but a child of  God.  Will I get upset? Probably.  Will I be offended? Maybe.  Will I turn around and spit out words that would make my grandmother blush?  I would be lying if I answered no to that question.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that what Mr. Limbaugh said was right.  Nor did I say I agree with him or what he said.  I am saying that we are so quick to put others down and call them names when we disagree with them and they disagree with us.

We are so wrapped up in "freedom of speech" that we lose sight of what is actually coming out of our mouths.  And just because we have this "freedom," does it mean we can abuse it and misuse it?  What happened to the good old days of good old fashioned "debate?"  Where two parties, on opposite sides, came together and discussed their point of view without the drawing of blood?  What happened to the right to  voice an opinion without being called names?  And most importantly, what happened to R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

Just because someone does not agree with your views does not mean that, that person is wrong.  It doesn't mean that, that person is a "slut" or a "prostitute".  It doesn't mean that, he/she is self righteous or an out of control liberal.  EVERYONE is different.  We think differently.  Our feelings are different.  We have different beliefs and different passions.  BUT just because we have these differences, does not mean we have to belittle each other just because we can.  We are ALL a part of this race called Life.

I was always told "there is a time and a place for everything so choose your battles wisely."  And "some things are better left unsaid."  But my favorite one is "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."  I thank my mom and grandma for passing these sayings down to me.  Because if we all listened and adhered to these sayings, then maybe we would have a better understanding of one another.  Maybe we would be a little bit more patient and a little bit more forgiving.  And maybe we would all think before we opened our mouths to speak.....Or would we?

Just Saying,
Niesey